autumnal gripes pt.2

Reasons why I wish I could grow a proper beard:

  1. Face warmth
  2. Manliness, grrr
  3. You either look double hard, or super intelligent. Or both
  4. Handy disguise
  5. Lack of shaving required
  6. Instant respect from everyone, everywhere
  7. Food storage
  8. Something to stroke as I sit there looking thoughtful and intelligent, whereas I’m actually daydreaming about having a dog sized elephant as a pet or something

Unfortunately, my beard veers sharply from dark brown, to peroxide blonde and then to large barren areas of nothing. As a result; I should probably find other ways to achieve these dizzy heights of, manliness, possibly by walking round with a monocle and my balls hanging out.

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