The Pie Sandwich – it’s a way of life

There is no food that cannot be improved by putting it into a sandwich.

You may scoff at that statement, but I tell you it’s the truth and I’m about to change your life. Practically anything can go into a sandwich, it’s a meal without prejudice – whether it’s a snack you want expanding, leftovers of a meal which need some glamour and excitement or simply because your food is atrocious and needs saving – turning it into a sandwich is the answer.

Evidence #1The Meat Pie Barm*

I’ll ease you in with a simple step-by-step guide to the classic and much loved pie sandwich.

*Please note – I’ve only used the laughably incorrect Northern slang for a sandwich here as the pie filling gives it a distinctly Northern theme.

It’s a simple and basic process, but an absolute winner.

To get into t’Northern mood, why not relax to a Macc Lads LP, put on a flat cap and beat your wife?

Evidence #2Butty Italiano

Pasta and bread shouldn’t go should it? Too much stodge you say? WRONG. This superb Italian twist on the pie sandwich is one for all the family, plus it’s got so much weight in it you probably won’t need to eat again for three days.

Cut the Lasagne to size, whack it in between some bread and Roberto’s your Uncle – you’ve just created an Italian masterpiece to rival Picasso.

A delightful meal in itself – next time you go to Prezzo’s take some bread.

For added effect, why not pop on some Pavarotti , feign injury half way through your meal and then smash your Fiat Cinquecento into some traffic lights after you’ve eaten?

Evidence #3 – The Alexander Litvinenko

This has been my crowning glory in the meal sandwich career so far and so requires a little more respect, and therefore description. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure I could pull it off beforehand – as you’ll see there was an awful lot going on – but it worked, and I’ve never been so pleased. Or so close to a heart attack for that matter.

Step1: Bread. The keen eyed amongst you will notice one slice is a crust. This was a deliberate decision made to add stability to the sandwich, we’ll see later if it proved effective.

Step 2: A sausage base. A sturdy and much loved sandwich ingredient, always a winner.

Step 3: Cheese. Everything is improved by cheese.

Step 4: Crumpets, the first real eyebrow raiser for some. This approach was based on the much maligned ‘Big Mac’ technique of bread within a sandwich. An American theory, delivered in a traditionally British way I think you’ll agree.

Step 5: More cheese. See Step 3 for reasoning.

Step 6: What’s that coming in to finish off the sandwich though?? That’s right, a Chicken f**king Kiev! Opened up to let the Garlic juices flow, this was the pièce de résistance of the sandwich.

The obligatory cross sections: As you can see the crust base turned up trumps, as despite its girth it held up exceedingly well.

A barnstormer of a sandwich this one – probably the greatest thing I’ll ever cook. As you’ll have guessed, the name derives from the Russian finishing move on a English base. He’d have been proud.

For added effect, why not soak your bread in Vodka beforehand, slip on a black leather trench coat and interrogate some serfs?

Further recipe ideas…

Finally, if you haven’t yet been convinced of the sheer beauty of the Pie Sandwich, I’ve found some further examples of the kind of mouthwatering creations you could enjoy.

The sheer audacity of Monster Munch in a sandwich is simply astonishing!

So there you have it – The Pie Sandwich- it’s not just a food, it’s a way of life.

DISCLAIMER – Despite what this blog post may suggest, I’m not morbidly obese. Just to clear that up.

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4 comments

  1. At first I was a bit dubious but then I realised you were right. A sandwich somehow turns a hodge-podge of miscellaneous ingredients into a perfectly legitimate meal.

    It just works.

    The bread acts as the ‘two veg’ in the traditional meat ‘n’ two veg meal. You could say it acts as the knife and fork as well.

    And I love chicken kievs.

  2. The Litvenenko looks, and sounds, immense. Crumpets in a sandwich?! I may have to try this out, possibly with a bit of Worcester sauce on.

    1. It was one of my greatest achievements if I’m honest, gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. Worcester Sauce is a bold shout, let me know how it goes!

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